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Monday, December 15, 2008
it's less than 24 hours to the flight, and i still can't say i'm a hundred percent sure i'm going to be on it. i have the freedom to decide - am i exercising the freedom responsibly? would it be better if there had been no choice at all and the door had been completely closed? easier, yes, but better? are my reasons for going good enough to outweigh the risk, or are they insufficient but clouding my judgment? if i do go, and something does happen, will i regret it? if i don't go, and nothing happens, will i regret it? if i do go, and nothing happens, can i say i made the right decision just because nothing did happen? i always enjoy myself so much and come back so refreshed and renewed that i've forgotten, this past year, to remember why i make these trips, and to think about what they really mean. sure they're something good and helpful to me, but what is it exactly that is good and why is it important? is it only having an impact on me, or am i impacting somebody else's life? am i doing more than just making people happy or providing entertainment for a few days? am i pointing them in the right direction, and are they really growing in their character and lives? if there's no meaning in my going, but simply providing transient enjoyment which has no true value, do i still want to go, even if there is no danger or other inconvenience? posted by gruff at 11:11 PM --------------------------------------------------------------------------
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